Bali Part Deuce

“I haven’t seen so many white people in a long time.”

Driving through Kuta, one can’t help but be overwhelmed by the white cloud enveloping the streets. I’m referring to the mass of bareskinned Australian surfers that flock to Bali for its waves and vices. The ratio of Aussies to locals in Kuta is so high that I wouldn’t be surprised to see an Australian national flag hanging outside buildings one day. But despite its Aussie debauchery, Bali remains a place renowned for its wildlife and water sports.

Monkey Love

Love, or should I say lust, was in the air at Ubud’s infamous Monkey Forrest. Among the hoards of primates chasing banana-carrying tourists were frisky males in search of a little action. One male in particular was on the prowl stalking several females before making his move. Instead of wooing his potential mating partner, however, he leaped onto the unsuspecting female’s back and began performing actions that would make Elton John blush. Unimpressed by his prowess, she looked back as if to say, ‘Are you finished yet?’ But before he could complete the deed, he was assailed by a larger male. He then made his way to lucky lady number two which was more rotund than the first female. However, she took one look at the libidinous male and darted the opposite way. Steadfast in his resolution, he approached an even huskier female. He first checked for competing males and then pounced on her. After 39 heated seconds, he successfully accomplished his mission and retreated to a nearby branch for some well-deserved rest.

One of the hapless victims

One of the hapless victims


The view from the Tropical View Cafe near Monkey Forrest

Where are the fish?

A thirty-minute drive away from Kuta, Nusa Dua offered the promise of pristine beaches and underwater wonders. But upon arriving, I quickly realized that the beaches had been deluged with unsuspecting tourists and the waters crammed with cheesy banana boats. But I figured I might as well give it a shot so I took a 10-minute boat ride, put on my gear and leaped into murky waters surrounded by more tourists than fish. The array of speedboats zipping by stirred waves that tossed me like a buoy. Opting not to snorkel for the full 60 minutes, I headed back to the shoddy boat and tried to resist the urge to hurl – a battle I ended up losing.

Risata Resort & Spa

The misses’ favorite waters aka the hotel pool.

With an increase in prices and crowds, Bali may have lost some of its original luster as an affordable tropical getaway but it remains the spot to see lascivious wildlife and unclad surfers.