2013 Top 10 Birthday Wishes for Joe


All birthday wishes are not created equal, which is why I created the annual Top 10 Birthday Wishes for Joe Awards – to separate the trite from the thoughtful. This year’s list was filled with more expletives and bizarre moments than a Miley Cyrus concert.

Without further adieu, here are this year’s top 10…

10. “Last year, I wished you a happy birthday to my most handsome, intelligent, loving, witty, silly, talented nephew! This year, I will just say DITTO!” – JoAnn Settle

Aunt JoAnn, flattery will get you everywhere.

9. Happy motha’ flippin’ birthday, honkie! (Please tell me that took you back to Junior year in Mrs. Bolen’s class…) – Leslie Renee

Oh, it did bring me back to junior year, Leslie. Back when I was the king of the castle!

8. “You old f***. I met you when I was like 15…” – Chris Wilson

Thanks for reminding me how decrepit I am and for the aptly used F bomb.

7. “Seems like yesterday you were 28.” – Jason Poteet

Such a smooth operator, Mr. Poteet.

6. “Hey buddy! Happy birthday! Hustle more!!!” – Scott Wu

If anything this world needs more of, it’s hustling. Thanks for the reminder, Scott.

5. “Happy birthday Joe, you’re the pride of our nation!! Just like the runner up pictured here http://tinyurl.com/joeesco” – Christian Jensen

Thanks for comparing me to a toothless hillbilly. For the record, I do own that hat.

4. “29 years ago in Bitburg Germany, a strapping young lad was born. This son of mine grew up to be a amazing young man. Smart, hard working, witty as can be, but most of all, he has learned balance in his life and his heart is pure and strong. A father could not be any more blessed than to have a son like Joe. Happy Birthday buddy…I love you” – Joe Escobedo II

Pops really knows how to bring a tear to my eye.

3. “Today is your birthday. I will celebrate privately. Text me for details.” – Craig Spiva

This line takes the cake for the creepiest birthday wish I’ve ever received. Congrats, Craig.

2. “To the other half of the Gruesome Twosome, holding down the fort in Sublime Singapore, Happy Effing Birthday bro!!!!!! Denim chicken, bird with teeth, and — of course — Vurmhat’s Worm Hat are in the mail and on their way. If they don’t arrive by sundown, give the Singaporean postal service hell for me lah!!!!!” – Matt Lazare

My favorite minion, Matt Lazare, referenced our favorite show to pay tribute to this golden god. Salud!

1. Happy birthday, boo. – Rea Yeh

My girl earns a massive amount of points for being my girl.

For those that didn’t make this year’s list, don’t worry there’s always next year.

Honorable mentions:

“Happy birthday, Scooby Doo!!” – Lauren Skora

Lauren earned points for mentioning my childhood nickname.

“Happy Birthday” (with a photo of a birthday cake) – Josh Schieffer 

I do love me some free cake, Josh.

“Happy birthday my… Singaporean?… brother! You’re no longer my Chinese brother! Hope life is treating you well! I’m going to try to make it to your neck of the woods next year. XO” – Julien Scott

Nice job of sharing the love with the XO at the end.


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